1. after sex under parents 02:30
we end down on ground, up off bed. tongue cradles balls. above ceiling/floor, parents expect someone.
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at bottom steps, we dress. we wait with household. they cite my in-side-out collar, and incite we leave. she seeks something, in. out, i button top. key starts in and car runs. i clutch two and ten, tight. i idle. ring tag birds fly
underneath tire. i exit, lock self out, then shoo flock. i wrinkle down-sleeves up. i hear car and not search, inside. park car runs.
2. minutes in and chill meme // mature butthole prolapses inside-out // my basement scene #1 01:53
we dog sit on mom dog watch night, mom gone. mumblecore ad-libs rouse. we pet. i type, “roadhead cum”. dog runs in sleep. we declothe. i refine search tags. hardcore site text flashes emboss-russian. i tap, “always translate?”. captive-ball
-ring pierces milf anus. she groans. mature hole prolapses. she lasts past our finish. driver shakes dutch angle. we french. zoom out exposes her press flat on mobile home door. glass palpitates and clouds. dad butt calls me. we mute her,
our pulses settling. out of breath, he breathes. then empty, her rear outputs cream.
3. breaking apart baby monitor/potential recording device // my basement scene #2 02:15
post-address-captcha, we fuck on stream.
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cousin cries. he seeks stuff/dog and charges downstairs. he shakes lock door. i eye lost plaything amidst strewn sheets, in widescreen. we pause heaves. i view count. i find baby monitor, inside toy hems. we rift recorder parts and plush,
nude. we hide remains from parents, in clean laundry. we silence, until knob turns and whines end.
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we stop cam. site indexes stream. we smile in thumbnail picture. frame lasts forever. we laugh forever.
4. unclogging roof drain on her // bare rests 02:10
i wake in cool pillow-drool. vent waves blinds. computer fan spins underneath untuck-covers. i peel back off sag tits and pull charge stiff. cord upends model-glue over touch display cracks. sticky screen locks. she wakes. bare rests mesh
flesh.
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showerless, i exit. gutter clogs. rain overflows goop on car. bike rests on house wall. ladderless, i jump on seat, then shed, then roof. stillicide rolls wheels clockwise. i dig leaves out of flood eaves. i empty hands past rim. mess
lands
in front of back-dog-door. she calls through screen slide. i wait. she steps out, then over waste pile. i drop more. she squeals. tiles slip me. sweat sticks slip-sheets.
5. valerian tea // underage on message board // mom tags herself viewing me in ultrasound // a vacation, apart 02:11
my love departs. time spare, i spring clean. i unbox origami. her lip stain marks sole glass, out of washer. rinse cycle shakes floor.
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clean finds new room. we text more. pot squeals mist. stove stays hot, post blue burner off. tea streams in me. i cool off with icebox ice blocks.
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my love lifts off. bookmark link rots. search finds template forum archive. over signature blocks, info dates our births early. steam warps folds. pms secure nudes and meet-up details. mom publics pics, in next tab. she waits near
ultrasound monitor. underneath skin, i hide. screen finds my outline. my eyes droop and blink. glass ripples. steady steam rises past, up.
6. hiding seek at family reunion // drowning after sand burial // a vacation 01:23
i hide and seek with her and cousins in family cabin. she dusts sand off my thin hair. underneath her, my hand sleeps. in crawlspace underneath floor, nephew whines, “when’s this through? time out”. slide door rustles breeze, past mesh. he still seeks.
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post-drinks with parents, we strip soft. we hear mom grope walls, past load support beam frame and home-mix plaster. close, she steadies. we tense. she rotates door, laughs, and proposes she tuck in sheets and protection.
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at sunrise, we skip sleep and extensive reunion. our bare limbs rash past ivy. we roam clear beach. she combs, finds dig site, buries me, chain tire swings, jumps away, splashes wave, then treads tide. immobile, i spasm around itch. we flush heads. current floats and whelms her. towards me, tides ease over. “help” she gasps, with gurgle laughs. i stay in ground. we both play drown.
7. breast feeding home movie // head indents ceiling, again // 50th mom birthday 02:40
mom shows off scrapbooks. wave cut sheet borders frame, column and sequence trip.
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spinster aunt and i retire. i pose we split young wine box. she finds glass, spreads no mono, and chats forecast. i search contacts.
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i tongue her in cellar. guest strides shake mix drinks/block ice. baby home-video playback rings vents. i cock head through ceiling tile, near old head hole.
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up, sensor flushes and runs tap.
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out, crowd sways tight. i spill, soak dry-clean wear, and embrace her. her glass rim washes over. her iris fills smudge wire rim. text vibrates silent cell dry. i lip nip gurgle. candles lay in wax puddles. i cry.
8. wedding dress rehearsal after bachelor party/baby shower // morning nausea 02:11
before wedding dress prep, i wake up early. champagne stains bachelor party tee. i wear dry clean button collar top.
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in ride, she secures belt. she displays pic of pre-birth image from last night baby shower. i glance, swerve, then churn.
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full bars on, i reception comb, and leave her. groom friends tailgate morning-caps. i find porta-potty queue by construction. i sprawl out over hole, near new suburb site. i puke heave. up through seat, runny goop splashes my face. bride
groans in neighbor-box. i lay. pasture grass inflames bacne. i roll around. auto-sprinkler waters.
9. carrying topical cream back home // elder crossing guard with fas 01:34
we walk warm damp park, with pair genital thrush. kids run path, towards us. parents shadow them. tween girl chats me up and twirls curls. we lock hands. she scrams ahead. we trail them, and rustle coats, loud.
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at block end, squeals split ears. fetal alcohol crosser stops traffic. by aisle, parents clutch hands. lip wrinkle whistles unleash us all. i watch crowd bound, and cell and her. we walk with smiles.
10. kissing after late party // awaiting torrent finish // sharing old haircut incites new haircut 01:08
someone shares my clean-cut pic. i shave view clear and wash again.
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i turn up more late. we peck. i drop phone. door close cracks screen. pre-party pick up, she fixes put on lips.
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we contact eyes. she refreshes again. i shift and sight her updates glow windscreen.
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post-friends, i park. she snivels and views me. i clutch her, over handbrake and holders. my whole load presses her. butts move towards backbench. over tears, we seat fold and kiss. done download awaits me. i cum in her eye. she leaves
blind. open door theatre lights.
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towards end of line, film slides time mark.
11. (mirror) upload of ancient condom opening vlog // looking glasses reflecting off each other // my basement scene #3 01:28
scratches mark calendar. grid months spread back, between bookends, in mess full room. her touch-types tap loud, while i scroll her old vlogs. she opens dad condoms. lube splashes lens and undefines eye contact. jumpcut clears blur. film
closes in minimize, mute.
…
i look up something.
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kawaii friend links. i watch seconds, reply and hear her hear me. butt seats on sofa and bed plush. frame mirrors refract her back head hair, over and over. past walls, her hair extends where soil rests, feet underneath driveway/wheels. i
walk across open concept room, over strewn clothes, while i turn off daylight blue bulbs. i arrive at exit window. my eyes settle flush with ground level and face neighbors. i set off outdoor motion sensor, through glass. her shade shifts
with screen. she sits on my facial hair. we break eye contact, with tears.
12. pink eye // far from residential areas with phone and charger and eye drops and no purse and no pockets 01:04
before ride, i shave genitals.
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roof graze burns my hand.
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i check out girl flock. i clutch shift. i gaze with pink eyes. they expose skin and carry nothing. tan lines tie-side beachwear. i eye no sweat stain dew on remote outlines, on concrete.
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i return her stuff.
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i double back. i fixate on outdoor outlet charger girl. she wet drops contacts. i seek where babe hides cell, pouchless. rearview displays bird remains, en route. my crusty eyes spot sunspots, amidst more and more new rays.
13. pvr pregnant teens // before abstract tech support schedule // dad turns 50 02:44
we party with pvr pregnant teens. warm dog drool coats remote, shiny. glow in the dark buttons dim/cool, slow. he unwraps vacation clip-on-shades. click sticks fast-forward skip. trick-play shows title sequence stills, with breaking crawl
forecast.
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he pre-picks tie, beds early and sleeps late.
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next night, blinds still hide sky. we watch save vids then clear room. stream site drops whole four seasons. buffer time empties sofa.
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my eyes shut in call. i disclose i still love her. reply lags and lags. eyes open. on and on, spins cursor.
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tech support schedule swing by: any night, any week. light leaves. screen auto sleeps. i wake, watch, and wait. pointer still moves, amidst freeze.
14. sharing one-bed room // hotel bolts down all fixtures other than clock // a vacation 01:50
dad and i jaywalk by old buildings. we look new, then drivers swerve.
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bird shit coat statue holds opera glasses. dad mimes same gesture. i hold frame. she vibrates lens. pair pic blurs.
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gps lines us alongside fence and concrete mixer. high brightness screen contrasts sun glare and drains map. as we seek charge, hotel finds us.
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he peers down hair clog sink, then calls help.
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floors up, i mix message her, sleep cycle-less. he rolls around restless, near nude. i compare his spasm to close eyes her. her phone auto-corrects mess. last asterix text cites my sleep talk. thick walls house as hum. on balcony, awake
babes and mates rouse squeals. i toss clock out open window. other fixtures bolt down. last, cord sinks. town surrounds river. water reflects and churns tower glow. sunblock crusts sparse split-ends. sun burn bald spot flesh peels. dad skin
strips and sags off.
15. mommymommymommymommy // i text while driving communications between parents 01:47
out window, air drag moves tongue. wag stills underneath dog, over seat. off exit, we tailgate on ramp.
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potholes churn him. his wheeze lines barf alongside curb. i park. we walk rest of mom crescent. he grazes trim lawns and calms. she pets him and dusts fur off me. i back off. hose trips me flat on his shit. i shoo hand help, spring up and
scram. she waves me down, and hands envelope. towards next bedroom town and dad, i drive private thing.
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inside, entry alarm rings. i side step eye contact. i peel clothes off and throw out shirt. i turn bath on knob. outpour blocks out his step sounds, towards message. i wash with dad dandruff stuff and touch self.
16. girl next-door break-up nudes // international date site // my basement scene #4 01:55
new ex circulates her pics. i save neighbor. lo-res mobiles move inside external drive. folder holds old acquaintance nudes.
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gradient shadows incog window. pop-up close opens others. tab embeds columns of mothers fucking mothers. lawn strip parts our homes. shade glows past screen dust. x turns transfer pov tape off.
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borders inset long distance date site. handwritten watermark font hyperlinks. i flash selfie. headroom fills frame. i crop and extend hairline in zoom.
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fan runs in display sleep. motion lights sensor over her aboveground bedroom blinds.
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my profile slides on wedding pic tile rows. i pose, with suit and child.
…
i saw child porn as a child.
17. shedding fur lit by dvd home menu snow // my basement scene #5 02:24
finishless floor/wall edges form room. box tan desktop modem under skin flake dust sheet, lays. second-hand child onesies crust, by mildew pink insulation. testesless teen dog limps down steps. his arthritic frame sags flesh. dressless, he
whines and rolls around. scratches and spots fuck playback up. i wheeze and shirt rub disk clean off. still petless, he rolls chest over cool ground. on tray, film glides. fur floats and wavers amidst strobe pixel glow. on press, turns
lights off. room dims black. sightless, i find bed, in set site. his shed coat flies air vents, between and throughout his breaths.
18. new suburb before streetlights // post-millennium/post-mom-move 01:58
mom drove off towards date mixer. she left 3d glasses and disk. ringing artifacts unfocused anaglyph.
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i ran away with bike. locked mirrored model home rows shrouded glows inside. streetlightless, i collided with phone line column. i clicked chain back in.
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batteries ran out. i hung headphones around neck, on highway. input slipped out of coat pouch orifice. cord dragged alongside wet tire trails.
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i turned off, on fresh-dug-park lit path. far to my sides, shadow figures blurred. i laid frame on lit memorial bench. my steps treaded dewed grass flat. i pointed dim watch light ahead, then down towards pawmarks. blink found afterimage. i
rotated back. i sighted something blur, between me and light.
19. holiday in house with kids // pre-millennium/pre-mom-move // not summer 01:40
snow dusted wilt leaf covered greenery, indoor dog still unconceived. sled slid me.
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i led sled home. my breath clouds rose. along dug path sides, eye level snow towered. i climbed up ledge. route saved time. i tripped over whelmed fence post.
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in, i found more lights. mom helped. fuse blew. back pulled underneath sink, dad hair-dried pipe.
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i hid pre-present-squeal, head held in sheet. by her, he roused, back stressed. without his snores, she found sleep.
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i woke family early. couple toggled knobs. before opening, they taped me and soon put down old dog.
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by fireplace, we detached parts of tree. rising sun shown along with put up suburb leds.
20. fursona request thread // home phoning cell before deleting first nudes // my basement scene #6 01:30
something vibrates amidst couch/sheet frays. dad clothes quake loud dryer. i miss call. in cell search, i home-phone.
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pair selfie tags town founding community center parade. her phone hold arm extends past frame. fuck app friend squeezes her. i close and watch anime.
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in thread, i post her underage tit pics. hi-res reply cartoons her personal parts. fur coats firm breasts.
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shirtless, nights of sweat coat me. windows float over my breaths. my chest taps underneath cool fan glide. dry cycle over, i hear ring through folds, then insert charge. i finally delete her nudes.
21. pollen like snow // not summer 01:48
cars slip steadily. over my light coat, pollen floats. i stuff up, walking collar/dog. he still charges each lawn. he bounds. he’s bound. he rubs up on fence. ivy wraps wet paint chain links.
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back, i hose him down. still out, spring evening starts raining. my hair twines, frays and soaks. in pour, ringlet locks flow. i am present, young and i love someone. i love something.
vinyl remastered by new mexican stargazers
performers on shadowdog are:
tyse
tristan
sarah
rachel
peter
peter
paul
patrick
nathan
naomi
michael gira
matt
justin
jonathan
jamie
james
daniel
bert
althea
in 2015 i released a brainrotted bedroom pop record about gooning and incel culture. behind walls of digital processing i buried stilted lyrics with pornographic aesthetics that auto-fictionalized how my parents’ divorce impacted my disastrous first relationship. the production continues to turn heads and stomachs. some music forum freaks argue it’s the most singular album of the 21st century. today marks the 10th anniversary of shadowdog’s release. dawk26 is putting it out on vinyl to celebrate and it’s now live on streaming for the first time.
//
the earliest shadowdog demos were written between spring 2012 and summer 2013 for my jangle pop group. our disbanding in tandem with a romantic breakup led me to corrupt my orphaned collection of concise slacker rock tracks. i recorded endless sessions with local indie musicians and layered wonky orchestral samples over the initial pop song structures.
under the influence of weed and isolation and delusions of self-grandeur i approached the album with great ambition. i was into tinymixtapes’ early vaporwave reviews and mark richardson and lindsay zoladz’s p4k columns and chris ott’s vimeo (ahhhh) and the films of robert bresson and arcade fire and real estate and guided by voices and the olivia tremor control and aphex twin and jai paul and katie dey and vektroid and giant claw and steve reich. i was insufferably pretentious and an abysmal hang.
across summer 2014 i replaced every syllable of the lyrics with distant and truncated prose that awkwardly followed the original melodies and rendered the text deeply uncanny. the writing style was largely conceived while delivering newspapers in the south london ontario suburbs six nights a week while i listened to a primitive robotic text-to-speech voice read taipei by tao lin over and over again (i got through this book like four times in three months). in the early mornings i’d return home and write poetry until i passed out.
i couldn’t figure out how jai paul achieved his signature sound so i manually hard-cut clips to produce a janky approximation of traditional sidechain effects. the mixdowns were run through dense syncopating filters and turned into alien textures before smashing against limiters. finally the masters were chopped and screwed. shadowdog was completed in fall 2015.
//
i never announced the album to people irl. most of the performers never heard the final product. it was exclusively marketed through self-shilling on /mu/ during winter 2016. shadowdog quickly became a symbol of shame at the center of my life and i took it offline. the album was re-uploaded later that summer by a youtube channel named ‘thunder birdz’.
shadowdog had developed a small cult following by the end of the 2010s. much of the interest focused on the enigma of its creation and who its depraved anonymous creator may have been. several 4chan threads speculated it was produced by notorious aussie shitposter aaron ellis (it wasn’t). a youtuber made a video essay titled ‘the shadowdog mystery: weirdest album online’ (it isn’t). many understood the narrative to be a work of pure autobiography (it’s not). popular fan theories speculated it was a confession of childhood sexual abuse (i was never molested as a child).
i discovered the album had a growing fan community on the brave little abacus discord server in 2020. i began anonymously interacting with fans online. i’ve since made many of my closest friends through online communities who supported my work. my favorite part of the record’s afterlife is how it influenced artists like clust.r and guinevere laurent to create albums directly drawing from the shadowdog sound. my new band friends& is both its own project and a functional continuation of tirestires.
//
shadowdog is an intensely polarizing record. i believe its countless extreme aesthetic decisions are what makes it special. i interpret rym users and youtube commenters' descriptions of the album as ‘groundbreaking’ in a value-neutral way. it is not for everyone. i encourage anyone still on the fence about this album to read the rateyourmusic reviews. supposedly real human beings claim to actually love it !!
is shadowdog simply a signifier of esoteric taste for avant-teens to individuate themselves on rym?? or is it a revolutionary pop record that reveals itself more and more on repeat listens?? some serious music obsessives have fallen under its spell. you may too.
//
i’m very proud of the 8-page booklet accompanying the vinyl. it’s packed full of screengrabs documenting the album’s history and three thoughtful essays. there’s even a face reveal. i think you will love this physical release if you love shadowdog.
//
as a final piece of context i am including a passage that deeply informed the creation of this album and my artistic philosophy. it’s from lindsay zoladz’s ordinary machines column about jai paul in 2013:
"the first time i heard jai paul, i thought my speakers were broken... i jiggled the input cable. i unplugged and replugged my speakers. i started the song over. nothing had changed. ‘is it supposed to sound like this?’ i typed into my gchat box, but hesitated before hitting send. (on the internet, even your hesitation is visible: ‘lindsay has entered text…’) i let it sink in for a minute; the first time you hear something that is good in a new, unfamiliar way, it takes time for the particles to rearrange into some sort of discernible grammar. by the time the second chorus hit, i had deleted the question. yes, it was supposed to sound like that.”
nostalgia cycles and pastiche are becoming less and less useful as tools for discerning music’s originality. our era’s most exciting artistic developments increasingly come from the realms of texture and presentation. i believe this record delivers a highly original production texture and presentation. even as the conlanger of its indiscernible grammar shadowdog feels indiscernible and unfamiliar.