school starts and the leaves fall and I want to go home. What is fall to me? It's packing up to go home my first semester of college. walking around and listening to fuubutsushi while playing the halloween pokemon go event. It's being sixteen and wishing I could skateboard. Going to a high school football game and taking pictures of everyone. It's being depressed (and not realizing it), going to the basement of the engineering library and realizing that out of the fifteen people down there I am the only one who is alone. It's staying up until 6am with you because we are falling in love. It's playing fortnite because its saturday night and you went home searching for some peace.
Despite some of my descriptions I actually quite like fall, I am just subjected to seasonal misery and mental illness sometimes. Some of it was not understanding my emotions (especially as a teenager) but sometimes I want to steep myself in the misery, maybe unintentionally, for some kind of aesthetics. There are things to be excited about: I am out of school, I get to lollygag around my hometown, Ambient September is a joy, and work allows me to see a sunset every morning. "lets make it a great [autumn] or not, the choice is [mine]" (A paraphrase from my high school principal)